The past six weeks have been a bit of roller coaster ride . I won’t go into too much detail about the personal stuff but it has been a challenging time. Despite everything going on, I have a goal race that I am training for. In my mind, it’s always go big or go home. So I am aiming to do 13.1 miles at The Santa Clara Half Marathon on Sunday, December 14th. This race will be my third half marathon in 2014. My first half post-health scare last June. Honestly, I am scared to attempt this again.
Getting back into training mode has been up and down. As excited I am to be back, I felt like I have failed because I am back to taking medications. I feel like I have let myself down. The meds make me feel tired and slow. It’s hard to look over my training calendars on Strava from the past two years and see my training decline in terms of pace and mileage. Not that I am fast by any means. I know in my heart that I can get back to where I was. It’s just going to take time. The what ifs and doubts will always be there. I try not to give into it. I tell myself to keep looking forward not backwards. Use my setback to come back stronger. To keep going. Call me stubborn or crazy for getting up over and over again. Running is where I feel free. No distractions. Just the road and me . It’s where I feel at home and heals my spirit.
With the downside, there is always an upside to training. I am back to my pacing gig on Saturdays and it’s good to back with my runner peeps. I may even take on the role of long run water stop coordinator for the fall. All part of continuing to give back and be a part of the running community. It’s about giving back and returning the favor. Seeing people train and achieve their goals. That’s what continues to inspire and fuel my desire to get up.
Even though I am scared, I remember that I have been given another chance. A gift to run. So, I accept the gift graciously and will not let the fear stop me from doing what I love to do.